Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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