yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
