New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i black out too much to be "responsible"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
