big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
two words: eviction party
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
