New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
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