Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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