You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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