3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
