So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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