I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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