you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
