I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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