I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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