And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
