They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
