It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
