Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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