Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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