ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
