You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How does one acquire holy water?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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