why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
