sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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