So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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