Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
