I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
