the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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