i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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