the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was born a porn star she said
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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