I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am available for nakedness
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
