put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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