that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize