she woke up with a sticky ear
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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