Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
