I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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