bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
