its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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