he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
