My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
