dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
