Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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