just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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