More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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