At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
