I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
