Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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