just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
