oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
