oh god the rape fog is back!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
