fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im part way to drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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