This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
