woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
