hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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