God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
