That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
