4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
