Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize