The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
