I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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