You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
