he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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