Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
