she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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