dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
