It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
