dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
