i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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