WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
