So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
